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Calamity & Clouseau

November 29, 2009

Breaking! White House Hires Clouseau on Party Crashers Calamity


Sunday, Nov 29, 12:00PM

Inspector Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau Enters Investigation: says paw prints are all over this official party crashing caper. With the increasing concern over the White House security breach, after a couple gained up-close access to some of Washington’s elite, including the President and Vice President, and without actually being on the guest list, the Obama security team has reached out to Inspector Jacques Clouseau – Chief Inspector, that is, to identify what went wrong. French and American security professionals, befuddled by the decision, described Clouseau as a bumbling simpleton of a policeman but brilliant detective.

Meanwhile, Republican Leaders on Capitol Hill voiced their concern in having Clouseau head-up the official investigation, in part due to his clumsiness and his incompetence, even as Clouseau himself has shown an incredible knack for survival resulting in the capture of assailants and thieves worldwide.

Clouseau’s superior, Charles Dreyfus, the ranking Commissioner, accompanied Clouseau’s press conference and was visibly observed having a rapidly increasing pronounced tic which began to occur as Clouseau began to speak. The Obama team, against the wishes of GOP Leadership, expressed confidence that even under such duress and confidentiality, Clouseau has the instinct and vigilance to cut through the red tape of the Secret Service, identify the root cause and solve the case. The White House reaffirmed that Clouseau was the right man for the case.

During his press conference, and acting in his official police business capacity, Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau, the brilliant detective with an incredible knack for survival in solving crimes, stated, with some degree of clumsiness, but in no uncertain terms, his highest priority in solving the case.

Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau comments:

“It will not be easy… that is why I have always ffffailed where others have suc-ceed-ed.

Instinct… Instinct… I tell you. That split second timing and rare ability to know the differ-ance between life or death.

I believe everything and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone and I suspect no one. But of course, these are not normal times. Yes. To better vis-ualize the crime caper allow me to place myself in the perpetrators position.

As the perpetrators entered the rheumm, dress-ed in all their rich gall-auntry, this Tareq Salahi, a polo-playing swinemaking moat, and his lovely and beautiful wife, Michaele Salahi…

Yes, this ‘crahzy’ ‘swine’ parrot Taqer, haven forc-ed the lovely Lady Salami to oh-bay his commands, sashayed him-self, with Madame Salami in innah-cent tow, into the closely guard-ded White-House pageantry; and coz-ied up to magnet show-beez, star-studded politiss-cion’s and celeb-bra-ties for-ah fleet-eeng shot at fame. I kneaw this.

But euf ceuse …dur-eeng my crime caper solv-eeng parade, I began pick-eeng up on some-theengz only one with an instinct can… I am, az yaew kneuw, vig-ulant and ah-lert in sol-ving crimes …and follow-eeng the cluuues. It’s all part of life’s rich pageant. Yes, politics is where greed wears the mask of morality.

Now then, let me bring yeuh up to speed… It iz part of my-job to read peop-pal, as yeau kneuw. I think I am quite ast-tute at it! There is one abso-lute treuth in this world and that iz… crime does not pahy, yeuw kneaw…

…yes, I ah, I think I have lost my train of thought… (at this point a reporter from the Washington Post reminded Inspector Clouseau that he was bringing the attendees up to speed on the investigation) Clouseau stated: Yes, I kneuw that… I kneuw that… that is what I have been saying you idiot!

Ah yes… this Monsieur Samari, this minkey attend-ee with no lisonce to be an attend-ee waz obsessed with fame and for-tune all the while pose-eng dangers to the Prime Meen-ister of Paki-stan and the Prezi-dent of thee U-nited States.

The perpetrator could have had a beaum… (when a reporter from the NY Times, pointed out that it was the Prime Minister of India and not Pakistan who was attending the event) Clouseau then stated: Yes, I kneuw that… I kneuw that, I wanted to see if you were pay-eeng atten-tion…

Now then, zpeakingne to the Se-cret Ser-vice gate check-ers and use-eng my animal in-stinct… I have seau far – come to the con-clusion – that there was a seri-ous sec-ur-ity breach.

I believe Lady Sanami, after rah-ceiving a bimp to her head, was led innocently in tow by this minkey Monseiur Salami, who was in a rit of fealous jage over Lady Sahara and you are forgetting the most important fact: motive… Yes, motive…

Monseiur Salami wanted to make monies from this pageantry event as a launch-eeng pad, for how do yeaw say, this reality swine-show caper to impress Lady Swahelie. Nyot Anymeur… (when a reporter asked Clouseau to clarify what Michaele Salahi received on her head?) Closeau replied: Yes, she received a bimp on – and, listen, monsieur, next time I may test you without warning! She received a bimp… you stupid fewl.

Acting like a swine moat, the perpetrator por-trayed himself in rich pageantry as he broke the leauw. But this is just an ole closet minkey ploy. I kneow that. If there’s one thing I enjoy, it’s a good closet minkey ploy.

In my init-ial quest-ion of guest and atten-dees, I dis-covered there was also a bee-keeper who lost his voice, a cook, who thought he was a gardener, and a gardener who thought he was a bee-keeper. Yessss, when duty calls… I suggest you count your beees, you may find that one of them is missing.

It is obvious to my trained eye, that there is much more going on here than meets the ear.

This is a very serious mat-tar …and everyone in this reuoom is under the suspicions… I am no “fewl”… I will ra-paire the da-mauge that has been done… (when told that no one in the room was at the event and it was just a news journalist pool) Closeau stated: Listen here, yeaw fewl, do not question me, I am Chief Inspector of the Société, it is my job to know that.

Now then, where was I… yes, Madame and sirs, and you, yes you, you nitwit, it is my business to locate trouble… I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble… And I submit, in this sweemang poohl of deceit… rest assured, I will be on the ahf-ficial look-out for other master frugal ploys…

…as your Chief Inspector, that is what yeu deu, yeu kneauw, a little bit of zis and a little bit of zat…

…meanwhile, in this grand game of master thievery, I believe that the lovely and beautiful Lady Salad is innocent! (when a reporter asked whether Clouseau meant Ms. Michaele Salahi) Clouseau stated: that is what I said, I kneaw what I said… Uh… Listen you, you daydreaming fool, can’t you pay attention when I’m speak-ang?

Yes, now then, where was I, ah yes, the root of the caper.. I am now off to gather the facts, examine the cluues, and before you know it, this case will sol-ved… well, sirs and ma-dam’s, until we meet again and the case is sol-ved… No, not now Kato…yeaw little ‘yellow’ friend, Kaetooouu…”

At the end of the news conference, Inspector Clouseau, Chief Inspector Clouseau was attacked by a mysterious little man in black. The two tangled until security officers were able to break them apart. By then, two tables, three chairs and a wall were destroyed but Clouseau was apparently unharmed. The news event ended with news journalist scrambling to decipher each others notes and what had just been said. The investigation continues. No word if Clouseau has been requested at the Tiger Woods household.

On a more serious note, who was at the State Dinner, and why was this breach a threat to national security?

Here is the Presidential Line of Succession:

1 Vice President — Joe Biden
2 Speaker of the House of Representatives– Nancy Pelosi
3 President pro tempore of the Senate – Robert Byrd
4 Secretary of State – Hillary Clinton
5 Secretary of the Treasury– Timothy Geithner
6 Secretary of Defense – Robert Gates
7 Attorney General – Eric Holder

Outside of Senator Byrd, every single official was at the State Dinner. There were two uninvited guest who crashed the party, and if they had more sinister motives, they could have divvied up the list, and set about causing instability in the United States Executive Branch and our government. It had consequences.

Meanwhile, as the press is fixated on Tiger Woods and the party crashing caper. the MSM neglects to inform the public about the more serious issues facing our country:

Cuba conducts war games with U.S. invasion in mind…

Climategate e-mails sweep America…

Obama May Allow US Soldiers to be Tried in the Hague…

OPEC talks about moving away from the US dollar as the currency oil is traded in…

Rev. Manning gets a visited by the CIA regarding his outspoken claims as to Obama’s ineligibility…

Obama delays his Afghan war strategy and troop levels after months of dithering…

China uses American spending power to enlarge its private sector, while America uses Chinese lending power to expand its public sector…

The value of the dollar has plummeted to its lowest level in over a generation…

With more forclosures in the works, Obama will start paying cash incentives to mortgage companies that lower loan payments…

Hotels, like many home owners, are beginning to drown in debt…

America continues on its path of unprecedented mountain of debt…

Health Care bill threatens to put country in more debt…

The National Debt has reached $12 Trillion…

Holland votes to put Iran’s RGC on EU-terror list…

Last month the unemployment rate climbed above 10% for the first time in more than a quarter century….

Dubai debt woes will soon hit the U.S. property market…

Food Stamp use soars across U.S. at record highs and climbing every month…

There is an array of taxes on the horizon…

Finally, Obama’s goal of nationalizing health care, expanding government, and undermining the legacy of Ronald Reagan…

What a calamity. Elections have ‘consequences’… Americans are still in snooze mode.

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